Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
