I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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