I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
