his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
