You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
