we have officially lost it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
