The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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