Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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