i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
