I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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