96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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