Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
