I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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