you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
