She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
