2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
