You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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