3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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