i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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