I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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