When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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