i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Randomize
