I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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