yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
