I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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