I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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