It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
