She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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