I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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