yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
