dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
