My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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