I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
