No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
