My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
