girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
