is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
