i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
