ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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