ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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