Screwed.edu
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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