there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
