we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
