I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
