Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
