She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
