i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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