Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
