I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
