He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
