my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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