I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Porn is love you can see.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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