Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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