hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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