if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
