Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
