Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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