You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
