So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
