Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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