We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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