Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
