You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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