he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
