haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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