once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
