do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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