I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
