how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
