if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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